Of Blue Streets, Neon Lights, Domes, Boats and Prostitutes….

Yes,

I believe in the survival of the prettiest,
I do

but not enough to let Sanjay Leela Bhansali get away with this crime to good cinema called Saawariya, clad by miles of velvet and neon lights…

Rani Mukherjee (yes yes, rani) kicks off the movie in great style. She even makes you feel hopeful and ready … and then comes the boy.. and a hundred odd prostitutes, and then the girl and then the boy dances in a towel.. then naked, Visual Harassment! then his towel slips.. and so does the movie..

The set is opulent, the music at times is delightful. The grandeur is some thing we are used to by now. The golden sets of Devdas, replaced here by blue domes, a bridge across the river in which boats ply on autopilot, a brothel, a bar and a few buildings with graffiti in green, and a dock for just one boat .. and the hero who is forced upon us like a bottle of cough syrup.

In short this is what I felt Mr Bhansali is telling the audience.

“I have made this movie called Saawariya. I dont know what it is about. But anyway here is your hero, love him now.. Here is your heroine, she isn’t any good, but love her too. They have zero chemistry, but that is your problem. I have painted my sets blue to hide the lack of it! ( and also to hide the fact that I don’t have much of a story to tell ) I have loud deafening music to stir up emotions that my screenplay can never dream of. Oh I forgot, I don’t have one. I can’t explain half the things that are happening in this movie, but again that is your problem. If you are the pseudo intellectual movie buff that I am catering to, you won’t ever show the world the fact that you couldn’t understand the complexity of the shit that I have made. “You will say very art film like”..!

And if you don’t like my movie, ( I can’t see how anyone would not) you are an idiot!”

yours smugly

Sanjay Leela Bhansali

Mr SLB looks so smug all the time, it seems he truly believes he is a great film maker. Well I think you should go back to school and learn how to write a script, or maybe ask Schimit Amin instead. Oh you wont do that will you? you haven’t seen Chak De india! ( beacause you didnt have the time) well you should mr Bhansali, and learn a thing or two about making a story grip the audience, instead of hiding behind your grand sets and floral graphics or even the hero’s towel fro that matter. The last time he made a good movie, it was called Khamoshi.

SLB is not a director anymore, but a brand! a self indulgent brand complete with floral graphic brand identity and all…

Making a good film is a tough job. You have to talk to the audience, you have to see what you are making from their point of view. A well made film should move you. A good film should keep you involved from start to intermission and intermission to end. If you as a director makes a viewer stop to think, you are doing a terrible job because a person goes to a movie to be told a story, to feel real emotions. To experience a story. Not to be overwhelmed and stunned throughout. This saawariya thing, is so soul-less, it hurts to see two star kids jump and dance like marionettes controlled by an incompetent puppeteer.

Lets admit it, there are really good film makers out there, real story tellers. Sanjay leela bhansali, is not one of them.

I really liked a few things about this movie though.. A few songs, the sincerity of the two youngsters trying hard.. Rani Mukherjee (She is almost the real heroine for a large part of the movie…) and the infallible Zohra Sehgal.

I have to admit. You freeze any frame from this movie, and it can become a brilliant wallpaper.. and the title song is very very hummable..thats basically it. What I would really like, is to give Sanjay Leela Bhansali “One tight slap”. And that’s for thinking we are idiots.